There is a strange difference between compassion and self-compassion.
Most people consider compassion as a good quality to have, and that is because we are hard-wired to be kind to each other. It is generally known that we have a hard time hurting each other in wars.
However, when it\’s about self-compassion most of us seem to think that this is not a quality worth having, that it comes with the risk of becoming self-centered, self-indulgent and self-serving. And it takes us a good deal of effort to get to experience self-compassion. Many times, it\’s not until we get to really suffer for some reason or other, not until we are brought on the brink, that we might consider trying to show ourselves some kindness and understanding. And even then we could consider the idea as irresponsible.
The wise way would be to act with self-compassion without having to suffer some way or another first. Kudoz to those of you who are doing that ;)!
I first got to know what self-compassion is via the MBSR course I\’ve taken when I saw I did not enjoy scrapbooking anymore (a PTSD symptom, btw). After reading about it and having practiced it for 1 week, I got to feel something I never felt before and why it is so important to offer ourselves self-compassion. So self-compassion is one of the areas where MBSR has helped me a lot.
Like many of you out there, I am a perfectionist. And we know that perfectionism is not really the recipe for happiness.
But I had an extra-feature: every time I thought I was not good enough or I was making a mistake (even a small one), I was getting so pissed-off at myself that I felt like hitting my head against the wall, while I was actually slamming my hand against the desk until it hurt, like many of us do when getting really annoyed. It\’s true that all this happened when the stress levels were already high. But if I did something wrong in those moments, I would go ballistic against myself.
An example: I forgot to disconnect our uselessly sensitive gas sensor before I poured wine in the cooking pan. Yes, wine! It reacts to vinegar, room deodorant and stronger cleaning products. When it should only react to gas. Anyway, this triggered the sensor and stopped our gas supply. Which meant we had to call the supplier to reconnect us to the source.
And the examples can be even smaller in importance, the idea being that I got disproportionately frustrated with relatively small things.
But im really happy to report though that this has not happened in the last 2 years, since I\’ve started my meditation practice.
So, self-compassion is connected to mindfulness in the way that we need to first accept our experience as it is (the mindfulness component). But then, what is specific to self-compassion only is that we should embrace ourselves with warmth and tenderness when our experience is painful. Like we would with our child or sister or best friend.
When I felt how it is to offer myself some kindness and understanding, I felt a long-overdue healing process begin. This is why im saying that once you get to know what self-compassion is, you will also know that there is no risk you will become self-complacent, egotistic or too proud…
Actually, offering ourselves self-compassion helps us be good to others too. It\’s logical after all: only when we are good with ourselves can we offer our love and support to others.
Until next time, stay positively well, lovely people!